


For this new laughter

by sandyk



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Consenting 16 year olds have sex with consenting 16 year olds, F/M, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, background pepperony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:20:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21733621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Thanos is killed before he can snap, so Peter Parker is back to school and life with a lot weighing him down. And so many people who care about him.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 127





	For this new laughter

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine, no profit garnered. Thank you thank you A! Title from Over the Rhine's Born. Mention of near amputation in 2, graphic injury in 8. Two sentence description of panic attack in 5.

1.

What happens after Dr. Strange gives up the time stone is not much happens. Peter helps Mr. Stark stand. They gather up again. Peter stares at the sky and sets aside his terror somehow to appreciate he's in space. He's pretty far out in space. 

The blue woman says "We need to get out of here. Get to the battle."

"Does that fit into your one future viewing?" Mr. Stark glares at Dr. Strange. 

"I don't know," Dr. Strange says quietly and stands. He does that circle with his hand and makes a portal. Peter holds on tight to Mr. Stark as they go through to support him. 

It's really weird how those few steps from outer space to New York City to Wakanda are the things Peter will have nightmares about. Not staring at Thanos's head five feet from his body, not even more battle killing Thanos's army and his head bad guys. Not even all the scary moments in space or on Titan. He'll have nightmares about the portal. 

He's in Wakanda for a whole week before he gets to go home. It's a lot of clean up and making sure Mr. Stark is okay. Plus, Wakanda is unbelievably cool and he could just watch Princess Shuri work for maybe the rest of his life. 

But he wants to go home, he has school, it's his junior year. 

So after a week, he's back home and everything is normal. It's like nothing really happened, since no one really died, except Vision, the woman named Gamora, and a lot of people in Wakanda. But Wakanda is still pretty sheltered from news organizations so no one else in New York City is thinking about it. Not like Peter is. 

MJ pulls him aside at the end of his first week back and says, "Okay, let's skip over the part where you lie to me again because you're obviously Spiderman. You seem kind of fucked up by whatever happened when you were out. You're my friend and I might want to help you. Fine, I want to help you."

Peter says, "I'm not, um. Can I convince you of that?"

MJ says, "No." She has a very steady gaze. 

He grimaces at her. He doesn't know how to describe space and possibly being stranded. Or the awful smell from the fields in Wakanda. So he says, "I got to see the lab in Wakanda and it was incredible. Mind blowing."

"Your mind is still blown?" She reaches out and grabs his bicep. She says, "Jesus, I can't believe these guns are real. Sorry."

"It's okay," Peter says. He smiles and not the reflexive one he uses to reassure Ned and May. 

MJ says, "I'm gonna keep asking until you tell me the bad parts. But next time is Monday. Have a good weekend."

He goes to the Avengers compound like he did before his field trip to MOMA and also Titan. He falls asleep in the car while Happy mutters under his breath. It's the first time he has his portal nightmare. He wakes up with a start. 

He shakes it off, literally, and even hums the song a little. Ned and May love Taylor Swift. 

Everything's weird in the Compound. It just feels off. Maybe it's in Peter's head. 

Tony says, "The problem with saving the universe is apparently that if you save it too soon, no one can tell. So we have to deal with Ross and everything else." It's the first thing Tony says when Peter runs up to the lab. Peter sits down at his semi-usual stool. Tony frowns, again. He continues. "Which is why I need you to chill with the spider stuff for a little bit. In case Ross decides to go after the closest available masked hero since he doesn't want to storm here."

"Got it," Peter says. He's surprised how easy it is to say. And he even means it. "I mean it." He nods a lot. Maybe that won't be convincing because he's supposed to be protesting. He says, "It's okay. I don't know, sorry, that feels like a good idea."

"Don't apologize," Tony says. "It's okay to want a break. This was a big week for you."

"For you, too," Peter says. "I'm not a kid. I'm technically a minor -"

"There's no technically about it, you are a minor. You're sixteen. You can't sign a legally binding contract, you can't vote, I can go on."

"I know, I know," Peter says. "I mean, don't talk about it like I'm just a little kid --"

"Didn't mean that," Tony says. He grips Peter's shoulder. "I meant nothing like that at all. I should have taken a break a million times and didn't, I'm glad you're cool with it."

"I'm cool with it," Peter says. "Totally cool." 

"And everything is called off if any of the aliens who suddenly know all about infinity stones decide to roll up to Earth to try a fun genocide of their own," Tony says, looking down at the table.

Peter looks over at what Tony's working on. "What are those?"

"Wilson's wings," Tony says. "I used to play with these before everything went to shit."

Peter sits up straighter. He says, "I wonder what Shuri would do with them."

"Something better than either of us," Tony says, frowning again. 

But it's still absolutely fascinating and they both start playing. It's totally like play, working with Mr. Stark, it always is. They've only been doing this for a year but it's been a great year. Of course they lose track of time and of course the alarm Ms. Potts made Tony set up goes off right at one a.m. Tony says, "Let's be good for once, I am literally going to walk out of here and take you with me."

"As long as you don't say anything about tucking me in," Peter says. 

He goes to his room, his same room. Nothing looks different. It should be. 

He wakes up in the morning and has his usual huge breakfast from the refrigerator and cupboard in his room. When in doubt, Tony goes overboard so everything is basically overstocked. 

He's stuck in his routine from all the other weekends he's spent here and he just automatically goes down to the training room. He's already stepping inside when it occurs to him that Vision is gone. Or dead. Usually, it was Vision he would train with, or Rhodes and Vision or just Rhodes. That's weird, Vision being gone. Maybe he should be thinking dead. Is that more respectful of Vision's personhood? 

Now he's all the way inside and there's a bunch of people. Which makes total sense because they couldn't exactly stay in Wakanda and impose. "Oh, hey," he says. "I usually, you know, Saturday morning routine. I wasn't thinking."

Captain America the actual person says, "No, come on in, Peter. Peter, right?"

Peter nods. "Or Spider-man. Peter works, too. Whichever."

"Secret identity, right," Mr. Wilson says. "Good luck with that."

"Well, I need to --"

"Don't worry," he says. "Sorry, I just mean it won't be easy."

Peter nods again. It's a crowd for once in the Avengers training area. For the first time ever when Peter's been here. Captain America, Black Widow, Falcon, Colonel Rhodes in the back, sitting on a chair. That part's normal. And the Winter Soldier. Except now he's using another name? Barnes. It's not like Peter hasn't met all of them on the battlefield or later in Wakanda for the clean up. He guesses Scarlet Witch and Dr. Banner are still there. Probably. But they all still freak him out a little. 

Literally, the day after the battle, Peter was sitting with Colonel Rhodes at breakfast and suddenly, Sam Wilson said, "Exactly how old were you in Berlin?"

Peter clenched his jaw and said, "Fifteen." He did not add that literally his birthday had been two days before Mr. Stark showed up at his apartment. He was sick, he is still sick of the kind of assumptions people make about him because of his age. 

Colonel Rhodes says, "It's not like you don't need the training, Pete. Get to work."

That part he's used to. Training ends up being everyone but Colonel Rhodes trying to take him down, first one at a time and then in groups. They basically win every time but he mostly makes them work for it. He doesn't have his suit, but he has his webshooters so he's mostly fighting like he would in real life. It's actually kind of fun. Half the time he isn't even pulling his punches, so it's like fighting with Vision again. 

After a few hours of getting beat up, a nice hot shower, and a huge lunch, Peter goes back to the lab to work with Tony. "Hey, Mr. Stark," he says as he comes inside. 

"Well, you look like you were beat to shit," Tony says. 

"Yeah, but I heal," Peter says. "Are we going back to the wings? Can we?"

Tony grins and visibly relaxes. They start with the wings and move on to more stuff for Black Widow. 

It must be weird, Peter knows, for Tony, having all these people here. Specifically the Winter Soldier. One night a few months ago when Tony was staying in Manhattan, Peter showed up after being stabbed a lot. He also had a lot of blood loss. He was talking a lot, too. Tony mostly just listened, saying uh huh a few times. Peter said, "And I just wonder, like, why did my parents abandon me? Did they abandon me? It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Tony said. "It's a good question."

"It's a pointless question," Peter said. "There's nothing to learn there."

Tony hadn't said anything. Of course Tony knew the story. Peter had been in foster care since he was born until he was seven and ended up with Ben and May. They even adopted him but he'd never called them Mom and Dad. They'd introduced themselves as Aunt and Uncle and that's what he called them. He didn't have any horrible experiences before that. He'd just been sickly. He'd end up with a family and then he'd get really sick and they couldn't afford that. Until May and Ben decided they would find a way. 

Then Tony said, "There might be something to learn." 

Peter mumbled and pulled up his legs, resting his forehead on his knees. Tony said, "I spent half my life thinking my parents died because my dad was drunk, drove himself and my mother off the road."

Peter shrugged. Tony put a warm towel on Peter's shoulders. Tony said, "And that was something I thought I knew about my father. But I was wrong. My father was murdered. And my mother. And I found out watching a videotape, standing next to their murderer. So that was just an incredible fun experience that I learned a lot from."

"Who was it?"

Tony said, "Bucky Barnes. Not really, he was brainwashed. He was ordered to do it. He didn't have any real choice. It was still a whole journey to process. And after all that shit, I started thinking about how I'd been wrong about my dad. The ending wasn't what I thought it was. Changed how I thought about everything."

Peter pulled the towel closer. "There's actually only two, or three maybe options. So they're both dead. Or my mother's dead and my father never knew. Or my mother's alive and she just abandoned me. Or, I guess, they both know I exist, and they both abandoned me. Does any option actually change my life?"

Tony rubbed Peter's back. He said, "Maybe your father never knew and if he did, he'd want to help you."

"Are you about to tell me you're my father?"

"I wish," Tony said. That felt really nice. "I checked your DNA, kid, no match found and the pool included me. But really, I'd be thrilled."

"That's nice, thank you, Mr. Stark," Peter said. "But it's pretty late for someone to find me now. So it doesn't matter." 

"Got it," Tony said. 

It's a really nice memory. It's all sad and horrible, but also Tony said he wished Peter was his kid. He thinks about that a lot. So he gets it that Tony would find Mr. Barnes being here really weird. 

But they don't talk about it. Tony makes weapons and suits and Peter helps and he gets that it's how Tony tells people things are getting better, he's trying to help them. Hopefully other people get that. 

Then that night, he has a nightmare about the portal again. 

2.

After school on Monday, as Peter and Ned walk to the subway, MJ runs after them. She says, "So what's up?" She pauses. "How are you, Peter?"

"I'm good, totally good," Peter says. 

MJ rolls her eyes. She says, "Let's not get on the subway, let's get coffee over there. They also have tea and smoothies. If you're into that."

"I'm into smoothies," Ned says. "And Peter telling us all about his adventure in space."

Peter says, "There's not much to say." He doesn't want to. 

Instead he gets a very sweet smoothie and tells them about Wakanda and the big battle. He says, "My leg got chopped, I mean, like, a centimeter more and I'm an amputee. Assuming my healing wouldn't take care of it. Like, reattach it? Anyway, so I'm like literally holding everything together as the nanites in the suit get to work and that's holding my leg together. But we're definitely approaching the end of the battle, and we're winning and so Colonel Rhodes flies over and then comes back and says he's taking me to the palace."

Ned looks very pale. MJ says, "Your suit was holding your leg together? Weren't you also bleeding to death?"

"A lot of blood," Peter says. "But I heal really quick. I'm not saying I could've run a marathon, but I wasn't bleeding to death."

He tells them about how there were so many people in the medical area. Princess Shuri was running around, literally, trying to direct the people who worked there to help with each procedure. He said, "Oh, don't worry too much, I heal quickly." Shuri looked astonished and thrilled. 

He tells Ned and MJ, "I take off the suit and I was definitely bleeding a lot because I wasn't even embarrassed sitting there in just my boxers. I was later, though. But anyway, she watched the healing and she was like, 'Amazing.' So she did set up some neat little bead she kind of shoved into the wound and then I just passed out. But I woke up in my own little room. And they'd given me a whole set of Wakanda sweats. Which I can show you. Not me wearing them, but I have them all folded up at home."

"You're not going to model them?" Ned grins. "Can I wear them?"

"Probably," Peter says. "They're really awesome. You could, too, MJ."

"Sure," she says, failing to appear nonchalant. "So you healed from nearly having your leg amputated?"

"Yup," Peter says. "I was there the whole week and then I came home. And don't tell anyone, but I was just hanging out with actual Captain America yesterday."

"But you met him before, right?" Ned's grinning. He says, "See, MJ, Peter went to Berlin with Iron Man --"

"Yeah," MJ says. "I know."

Peter doesn't tell them about how later that morning after the battle, everyone was gathered in a huge room with giant windows, divvying up the Infinity stones. 

Dr. Strange pried out the time stone and put it back in his necklace. Thor, actual Thor, said he'd heard from the other Asgardians and they had found a place in Norway. "Asgard will take the Tesseract."

Peter was sitting on the edge of the room, next to Colonel Rhodes. It felt like some mixer at decathlon meets or back when Peter was in band. He sat with the people he knew and tried not to get noticed. 

Tony said, "Maybe Wakanda should take the mind stone. Shuri's already started the examination of it. You'll keep it safe."

King T'Challa nodded. It was very regal and determined. 

The Scarlet Witch said, "There's no chance of bringing Vision back, is there?"

Shuri shook her head. She said, "I don't think so." 

Which really sucked. Vision had been a good evolved artificial intelligence. Excellent at training. Which was the most pathetic eulogy ever, clearly Wanda had much more to say and was way closer to Vision. 

Quill looked up from where he was sitting. He said, "We'll take the other three. Gamora would have wanted them safe in the right hands."

"We could make a tiny profit," the talking raccoon said. 

"I am Groot," the tree said. 

Thor and the other aliens nodded. The talking raccoon said, "Fine. Whatever. No profit." 

The blue lady said, "I will help."

"Great, that sounds great," Quill said. "What great fucking company you'll be."

Peter looked out the window at the burn spots on the field. There were Wakandans out there already with seriously advanced tech dealing with the bodies of the aliens. He listened a little to Thor and Dr. Strange arguing about all the stones on Earth and danger to everyone. Peter wanted to sleep. 

Then he's back sipping his smoothie. MJ says, "Do you get your leg chopped off a lot?"

"Almost chopped off," Peter says. "And that's pretty rare. Usually it's stabbing, getting thrown around, getting shot, some fire. That kind of damage is basically limited to aliens. And that's only happened twice so far."

"Not reassuring, Peter," Ned says. 

He gets a text from Tony, telling him to still come by for intern duties. Peter grabs his backpack and goes outside. He calls Tony. "Are you sure? I want to do it, of course -"

"Wonderful, I believe you. And yes, my first and only intern should still come here and do intern things so people don't think he's doing anything else," Tony says. "Besides, I like having you around. See you tomorrow afternoon in Manhattan."

"Awesome, awesome," Peter says. 

He's already told May the stripped down basics of his weeks away, minus the leg injury and some of the other dangerous to himself parts. So he's also already told her that Tony wants him to chill on being Spiderman for a bit. She was predictably okay with it. He tells her when she gets home that he still gets to do intern activities. 

May says, "So what's Tony doing about Ross? When do you get to be Spiderman again? I know you want to."

"I'm good," Peter says, with a shrug. He's concentrating on eating. "It's fine. Honestly, I could use a vacation."

"You're not going to freak out when you see that someone got mugged tonight or tomorrow night?"

Peter shrugs again. "Probably? But I can't stop every single crime that happens in Queens."

"I can't believe you're finally figuring that out," May says, laughing.

3\. 

Peter wakes up from a dream he doesn't even remember. He's shaking and scared and anxious so maybe it was more like a nightmare. It's Saturday morning and he's in his guest room in Tony's Manhattan mansion. He lays in his bed and stares at the ceiling for a minute or two. Then he reaches for his phone. He doesn't have any email he cares about and no texts from Ned or May or MJ. He wishes he had one from MJ. Maybe he'll text her. She's a really good friend. And pretty. 

Pepper knocks on his door, he can tell because it's just a simple knock. She says, "Hey, Theodore left us a fantastic frittata and we've got fruit and I made coffee. We can eat breakfast together like actual people or the way Tony prefers."

Peter smiles and says, "I'll be right out."

After enjoying the warmed up frittata the Stark personal chef left for them, and it's honestly amazing, like, clearly Tony or Pepper hired the very best since who knew warmed up eggs could taste good? Peter says, "How's it going with Ross?"

Tony groans. "You are ruining my morning. Already."

Pepper says, "Like you're doing most of that work." She sips her coffee. She has great posture. Peter always feels like he should sit up straighter when she's there. She says, "Ross doesn't have a lot of popular support for his crusade. The law is a little bit on his side but it's not like other countries are really jazzed about arresting Captain America. It's clear Sokovia and all these other incidents could have been a hundred times worse if it weren't for the Avengers being there. So it's a matter of pressing him on all his weak points. He has a lot of them."

"Cool," Peter says. "So are the rest of, is everyone still hanging out at the Compound?"

"Yes," Tony says. "They'll be safe there. And they have friends they can talk to, too. Now that we're all back on the same side."

"When were you actually not?" Peter pours a lot of oat milk in his coffee cup. "It's not like you were out invading countries or attacking people because Ross told you to."

Pepper makes a face of agreement. Tony sighs loudly. He says, "No one thinks that. They weren't doing anything bad either. I was trying to work within the system, Cap's never really been a big fan of the system. The end, we're figuring it all out and everything's fine." 

"That was super convincing," Peter says. Pepper laughs. 

"No lunch for you," Tony says. "You know what Theodore made for lunch? You'll never know. It's fantastic. Three kinds of cheese, none of which you've ever heard of, just layers of intense flavor you've deprived your palate of."

"Pepper will let me have it," Peter says. 

"I will," Pepper says. 

Tony leans back in his chair, definitely smiling. He says, "Fine. Fine. I'll just let Pepper run the company and you can take over all the other stuff." 

"Peter would be a dream to work with," Pepper says. 

"Why, thank you." 

Lunch is grilled cheese and Tony is totally right, it's mind-blowing. Pepper brings the food to the lab and they eat in the corner. Then she leaves and it's just the two of them. Peter stretches. Then he says, "When you, remember when you said you ran my DNA once?" He's looking out somewhere. 

Tony says, "I remember. When I said that and when I did that."

Peter says, "Did you, did you figure anything out? I've just been thinking about it recently."

"We can do more," Tony says. "I did a simple search after seeing your sad story. I mean, you were literally left in a basket at the firehouse."

"It was a plastic bin. And you know, safe haven laws. You can leave a baby there and no one tries to prosecute you," Peter says.

"You're not hurt, right, sorry, that was a little blunt."

"No, no, if I told people about it, I would definitely make jokes like that," Peter says. "What does simple mean?"

"I ran your DNA against a few databases. In retrospect, though, I'm not sure my algorithm to recreate your pre-spider DNA was effective." Tony spins a tiny screwdriver in his hand.

"Why not use my actual pre-spider blood? Before this, I was sick constantly," Peter says. "Don't they hold onto that?"

"Not really, but that's a good suggestion." Tony gets up and pulls out a keyboard from somewhere. His lab is just seriously impressive. "So, to be clear, you're giving me permission to access your medical records, etc? Don't want to violate HIPPA, here."

"Sure, but I really think that's pro forma since you're already hacking into hospital records," Peter says. "I assume that's what you're doing, I mean."

"I am," Tony says. "At the very least, we can get a much closer approximation." Tony's quiet for a minute, staring at the screen and typing a lot. 

Peter says, "So I'll just be over here, trying to improve this body armor. Just doing that." He actually gets engrossed in that since Tony said something about using his webbing as a basis for a suit. He startles when Tony taps his shoulder. 

"So that's percolating. I'm pretty sure we're at perfect recreation of your non-altered DNA. You know, there's actually a lot of things to learn here," Tony says. He sits down next to Peter. "Not everyone who gets bit by a radioactive spider ends up with super powers. Mostly, they end up dead. Just like not everyone turns into the Hulk when they're hit by gamma rays, they mostly end up dead."

"Do you think Dr. Banner and I are related? Or are you thinking of a more, like, specific genetic trait?"

"Well, you and Bruce are both not tall so who knows? But mostly, the specific trait. The Hydra scientists who used the mindstone on Wanda and Pietro had a success rate of two. Two people. The rest ended up dead. My dad used to speculate that the serum might not have worked on someone else. And you and Steve Rogers both have that tiny, sickly childhood thing. Maybe it helps to be immuno-compromised?"

"I bet not," Peter says. "But we're not using anything we find to make better experiments on people to make them enhanced, right? That would be bad."

"No," Tony says. He pats Peter's shoulder. "Thank you for thinking I would be Dr. Mengele for fun."

"I clearly didn't think that," Peter says. 

"Thanks for not thinking I'm maybe a Nazi," Tony says. "You did imply it and for that, no Theodore dinner."

"That is incredibly cruel," Peter says. "Is it dinner time? Do you think we're going to have to sit around a table and make conversation?"

"Probably," Tony says. "Actually, I set Friday to tell you the results first so maybe Pep and I will ditch you."

"Tell me first?" Tony is sometimes out of nowhere good with people. "Thank you."

"And you repay me with Nazi comparisons," Tony says, grinning. "My super computer AI is your super computer. Looks like we'll know something in about an hour."

"That's heavy," Peter says. "You really didn't run this until now?"

"At the point where I actually knew you as the adorable young sprout that you are, I felt like this kind of question should be yours to ask." Tony pats his shoulder again and leaves the lab. He comes back briefly with a salad and some kind of chicken sandwich that is, again, the best thing Peter has ever tasted of either of those types of dishes.

Then Peter's just staring at the hanging screen where all the calculations will be displayed. He just gets to sit there and think a lot about the things he generally prefers to avoid. He's never even told Ned the whole pathetic story. He looks down at his phone and facetimes Ned. "Look at where I am, dude," Peter says. 

"It continues to be incredible," Ned says. "I'm in my bedroom."

Peter pauses and looks back up at the screen. Nothing yet. "Did I ever tell you, okay, that's wrong, I know I never told you."

"Never told me what? Please don't tell me you're secretly HYDRA or something," Ned says. He doesn't sound so serious. Everyone's jumping to secret Nazi conclusions today.

"No, God, no, I'm not. But I never told you, like, I'm not an orphan, not as far as I know, I guess --"

"Oh, I know," Ned says. "May told me. To make sure I didn't make a huge mistake. When I was twelve, I was gonna make you this present involving your parents but then May stopped me. I just assumed your parents were Ben's brother and sister-in-law. And I totally get why you never told me. It's really nice you want to tell me now." 

"Oh, huh," Peter says. "That sounds like a very nice present. But Richard and Mary died two years before I was born. Which you probably figured out. But that sounds really nice. People tend to assume that, since I always called them Aunt and Uncle but that's how they introduced themselves to me. Which May probably told you."

"So why are you telling me now? Did you find something out? Are you someone famous's secret genius baby?" 

Peter laughs a little. "No, I don't know. I was just thinking about it and I talked to Tony about it once and then he set up his computer to analyze my DNA, I guess. And then he was really nice and just left me alone to get the results. Which is where I am now. Oh, oh my God, Tony has this private chef and I have never had a better grilled cheese sandwich in my life."

"So at some point in this conversation, something will beep and there's your parents and who you are just shows up on the screen?" Ned sounds awed. Peter is kind of awed, too. 

"Yeah, it's the big holographic screen here in the lab," Peter says. "It's, I don't know, intimidating. It doesn't mean anything, sort of? Right? That's what I thought all my life."

Ned grimaces. He says, "All your life is sixteen years and not even that long - you're really talking about ten years max. People have thought completely wrong things about the world for way longer than that. Remember when we read that thing for class about the doctors who resisted handwashing?"

"I don't think I'm resisting handwashing," Peter says.

"I just mean, what you think is something that won't affect you can affect you and it's okay. It's okay if you're all shaken up. It's a big thing if you want it to be," Ned says. 

"I guess we'll see. Probably I'm just somebody's kid. I mean, they won't be people you or I know. Just people. And they just couldn't handle being parents. Maybe they're teenagers or something. That's not news," Peter says. He feels really insistent about this. 

He looks up and the screen is starting to fill up. "Here we go," he says to Ned. 

He has a mother. He looks at that first. She was eighteen and she died the day he was born, the day he was left. She wasn't found until two days later, in her motel room. Police report says she checked in a week before. He says it out loud to Ned. Ned says, "Does she have a name?"

"Jane Doe. The eighteen years old is the coroner's estimate. Do you want to see the gross pictures from the autopsy?" Peter's already looking. He only shows Ned the picture of the face. 

"That's not a great picture," Ned says. "How do you make it in the year 2001 and not have ID? And no one can find you?"

Peter shrugs. He feels pretty blank. Definitely blank. 

He says, "FRIDAY? Where's the paternity side?"

"Still computing, Peter," the AI says quietly. 

Ned says, "Maybe FRIDAY can find out who your mom was. It could focus on that. Of course, it probably is, right?"

"Yes, Ned," FRIDAY says. "I am working on a number of analyses now."

Peter says, "You know what? I'll call you back when I know more. Or tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Okay," Ned says. "Peter, no matter what, you're a really good person and if you ever want me to sit with you again for this kind of news, I'm always there for you."

"Hopefully it's just this once, Ned," Peter says. "Thanks." 

He's staring at the screen and more things pop up. Still no identity on his father or his mother. He blinks and falls asleep out of nowhere. The blue of the screen becomes the yellow of the portal and every time he starts to step through it, there's terror and horror and there's one portal after another and another like when he attacked Thanos but he can't see anything and he's flailing. He's flailing. He falls out of the chair. He looks up and he sees Tony looming over him. Actual Tony blocking the screen. 

"I'm trying to be respectful here, kid, and not look, but you fell right out of your chair." Tony pulls him up. Then Tony puts his hand up like blinders. 

Peter says, "Whatever, you can look." 

His mother was a college student, at Harvard. She got in when she was seventeen and she was originally from Queens. Her uncle worked at that fire station. But she was estranged from the whole family. Ironically, her name was Mary. 

"So she was really smart," Peter says. 

His father is a forty year old math professor. Was. He's dead, too. He was forty when Peter was conceived which is gross. He was also Mary's professor. "He probably didn't even know she was pregnant," Peter says, scanning the screen. "That's seriously gross."

"Sorry," Tony says. "I would have definitely been a better choice."

"If I got to choose, sure, but it really doesn't work that way," Peter says. "Do I need to explain how conception works, Mr. Stark?"

"You're adorable," Tony says. He gives Peter a nice side hug. "So, your dad was a drunk, I can spot those physical signs anywhere, and we've all been there. He had at the least some creepy kind of relationship with your mother --"

"Probably more than creepy," Peter says, frowning. "She was seventeen and on her own at Harvard."

"And she didn't tell him, looks like, so probably yeah, not a positive relationship in her life. And she decides to do it on her own which ends up with her dying from a hemorrhage after she gave you up. That's a shit story," Tony says. He sounds compassionate somehow. "On the other hand, your mother was brilliant and independent and your father was similarly brilliant, and he went to rehab in 2002 so he was willing to change his life."

"And then he died in a car accident," Peter says. "So I don't have any living relatives, no uncles or aunts or grandparents."

"But also, no bad juju in your genetic background, except for Dad's addiction," Tony says. "It probably makes sense that your pre-spider physical ailments had more to do with prematurity and the circumstances of your birth."

"Good to know," Peter says. "So that's an answer."

"It's something," Tony says. 

4\. 

Peter hasn't Spidermanned in five weeks. He still sees Tony every weekend and once a week. He's working on flexibility and durability for the Widow's suit and possibly body armor in general. And repelling knives, fire, and possibly bullets. It's actually really fun. 

He told May and Ned about his boring parentage. He thinks it's boring. It's really about what he expected. Despite what Ned said, it's nothing new, it doesn't change anything. 

"You keep saying that," May says. "Are you trying to convince yourself? Why keep saying that?"

"Just because," Peter says. "I think you and Ned probably think it changes me life."

"Neither of us think that," May says. "We both think you had a big, terrifying Spiderman adventure and went into space and apparently almost lost your leg. Which you could have told me. Then you decided to finally find out the one big mystery of your past. It makes sense you'd be freaked out and reevaluating, you know, everything."

"But the actual facts of what happened here with me don't change me," Peter says. This is a very irritating dinner. Plus, he's really spoiled by the times he's had dinner from Theodore. 

"I'm going to, I'm meeting MJ tonight," Peter says, getting up. "We're just going to this art show. Someone at school is holding it? It seems cool."

"With MJ?" May smiles too wide. 

"Yeah," Peter says. "With MJ." He's probably smiling too much, too. 

He meets MJ at the coffee shop. She's wearing a very pretty sweater. She smiles at him and then looks away and then back at him. He totally does the exact same thing. He says, "Hey."

"Hey," MJ says. "Thanks for coming. Kalilah is super talented." She turns suddenly and starts pointing at the collage piece on the wall. 

"Really talented," he says. "That's, wow." It is pretty wow. The different images layered over each other and multiple textures all come together in one impression. It's unsettling and beautiful. He takes a picture with his phone. "I can't afford that but it seems like a good price."

"Yeah," MJ says, smiling again. 

"Yeah," Peter says. He's trying desperately to think of something to say. "Um."

MJ says, "When are you going to go back to helping people in your special eight leg way?"

"Oh, I don't know. Tony says things are still weird. And I'm kinda enjoying the break? Not because I'm a psychopath who wants people to suffer."

"I didn't think that," MJ says. "You deserve a break. You have a lot of stress."

"Good," Peter says. "I don't think that either."

"You totally think that, dude," MJ says. "You're nuts." 

"I'm not nuts," Peter says. "I have a strong moral compass."

"It only swings from super good to super evil, huh?" MJ grabs his wrist and then quickly lets go. "That's very binary thinking."

"Well, um, I don't believe in a strict gender binary. That's not good," he says. 

MJ nods and grabs his wrist again. She pulls him down into a chair. She lets go again and sits across from him. Then she gets up and runs to the counter. She looks over her shoulder at him and smiles and then quickly back to the barista. 

After they drink their coffees, they actually manage a real conversation. He even makes MJ laugh a few times. Then when they leave, he accidentally brushes her hand and it turns into handholding. MJ squeezes his hand and then says, "So we're doing this, huh?"

"Define this."

"Well, it's not a binary," she says. He laughs. She says, "I feel like we're sort of dating."

"Sort of?"

"Handholding is a little tame," MJ says. 

He leans over and kisses her cheek. She smiles and says, "Like kissing someone on the cheek."

"I wouldn't go further without asking you and making sure you were okay with it," Peter says. Apparently unlike his father. 

"What?" MJ stops walking but doesn't let go of his hand. 

"What what?"

She just stares. He says, "I was just. Did I tell you about my parents?"

"No, Ned did," MJ says. "You don't have to tell me."

"Well, if Ned already told you." Peter drops her hand. "I was just thinking about that. Which kind of ruins the mood."

"Maybe I ruined it because you're upset that Ned told me instead of letting you tell me?" MJ grabs his hand and pulls him closer to the storefront. "Since we're clearly about to start talking, we shouldn't block the sidewalk."

"Right," Peter says. "I'm not upset upset, I just didn't realize he'd told you. I guess you guys talk about me when I'm not there."

"Yeah," MJ says. "Like you and Ned talk about me when I'm not there. You say things like 'MJ is cooler than we could ever be.' And then you and me talked about Ned. You said Ned is a really great friend. I was right there."

"Okay, fine," Peter says. "I shouldn't be upset. I'm a little sensitive on this topic."

"Yeah, of course. Duh."

She leans in and kisses him on the mouth. Then she does it again and he opens his mouth and it's a whole other thing. She touches and holds onto the collar of his shirt. He rubs her cheek, her very soft skin. She shudders a little. And they're still kissing. 

They finally stop. They're both blushing a lot. He walks her home and they kiss again at the door of her apartment building. They kiss again and again and then she pulls away. "I should get inside. I feel like we're definitely dating."

"That makes me happy," he says. 

He doesn't skip home or do it in eight or ten jumps. He's very very tempted. He's really tempted. But he has Tony in his head and Ross as the bad man after him. He's all of two blocks from home when some tall white guy comes at him with a knife. "All your money, kid."

Peter doesn't laugh, barely. He says, "I've got, like, five dollars cash. It's all yours." Peter starts to reach into his back pocket. 

Knife guy brings the knife closer. His hands are shaking. He looks pretty strung out. Knife guy says, "You've got more than that. Gimme the watch. And your phone."

Peter's watch and phone are both top of the line Stark Industries. And both have been updated by Tony himself so he can keep tabs on Peter. Peter says, "You won't be able to pawn them, dude, they're custom."

"Shut the fuck up," Knife guy says. He thrusts the knife towards Peter's throat.

Peter sighs and grabs the guy's wrist, pushing it up and breaking it. He does a classic sweep the leg at the same time and knife guy is on his back, shouting in pain. Peter leans over and gives the guy his five bucks. He also says, "There's an emergency community clinic three blocks from here. They can totally set that break."

Peter finds the knife and stomps on it, breaking that, too. 

He texts Tony about the kissing and the mugging, but not in that order. He thinks even CCTV footage of the incident wouldn't give away he's anything but a kid who knows some self defense.

Naturally, Tony replies only about the kissing. 

Friday night, MJ comes over to his apartment and they watch a movie. May is in her room, though she threatens to come out if she thinks something untoward is happening. 

Everything feels untoward when MJ is close to him. He just keeps thinking about all the times they've kissed this week at school and outside of school. And now, kissing in front of Cars the movie. MJ absolutely starts the groping, she's holding onto his thighs and her hands keep moving up closer. He holds her waist, his hands up under her shirt. 

She says, "Are you going to to Avengers compound tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow morning," Peter says. His jeans are embarrassingly tight. 

Then she's got her hand right there and he kind of jumps back. MJ says, "Sorry, sorry. Is this too fast?"

"No, not at all," Peter says. "Put your hand right back there." He says like an idiot. 

She says, "Let's go to your room."

He can do that, he can do that very fast. He practically carries MJ into his room, he can go that fast. MJ grabs him and pulls him on top of her on his bed. They kiss again and again, and he starts to push up her shirt. He can feel her skin and her pulse and her breath. 

At which point MJ stops kissing him and pushes his hands away so she can, actually, she starts taking off her jeans and her underwear. Peter says, "Oh. Oh, what, uh, should I, uh --"

"I thought maybe, um." She pulls up her knees and then her jeans and underwear are somewhere towards the bottom of his bed. She says, "I want you to, if you want to."

"Yes, yes definitely." He's read some seriously crude descriptions of going down on women but this isn't like that, this is MJ. He says, "You have to tell me if I'm doing this right, or just, like, if it works for you."

"Good, good plan," she says. He scoots down for a better position for him and nudges her legs a little wider. He likes her smell, he likes that she wants him there. Then he's touching her, feeling everything, then kissing there. She says, "That's, good, good, good --"

Then he tries his tongue, too. She says, "Better, better, better --"

It's also awkward, he doesn't want to bump her with his nose cause somehow that's gross, but also it's so hot how MJ is reacting. He can tell she's enjoying it, that's he's doing that. 

Up close, this close, he finally really gets what their art teacher was trying to tell them about Georgia O'Keefe's paintings. He makes circles with his tongue around and when he gets to the center, MJ stops talking which is a step above better, clearly. She's trying to be quiet in case May isn't asleep. MJ flails a little and grabs at his hair and his head which is also super hot and then her thighs are quaking. 

She's breathing slower and she lets go of his hair. Then she says, "Come up here."

He giggles a little. He rests his head next to her on the pillow. She kisses him chastely, and then she has one of the make up wipes in her hand. She rubs his whole face. "Why do you have make up cleaner towelettes in your bedroom?" She's reading off the label. 

"Sometimes I get hurt when I'm out working, you know, my other job. That's all," he says. He shifts a little because it's very uncomfortable being this hard in jeans. 

MJ grins and reaches down, unzipping his jeans. She says, "I'm not going down on you, sorry, but, um --"

His jeans and boxers are down around his thighs. MJ is touching him and he concentrates on making it last. He says, "That's, this w-works, good, definitely."

It's pretty incredible when he does come. MJ says, "Smart idea having these wipes here." She kisses him again, much less chastely. 

She looks at the time and gets off the bed. She pulls on her underwear and her jeans. She says, "I'm going to the bathroom and you should get some pants on and meet me on the couch. Before May decides it's time to come and check on us."

"Got it," Peter says. He does what she tells him because she's wonderful. He is the best mood. He jumps back on the couch and pulls the blanket over his lap. MJ sits right next to him. 

She says, "You are smiling so hard."

"I'm really happy," he says. "Not just the you know." He makes a little firework gesture. "But I really like you."

MJ leans her forehead against his. She says, "Me, too." 

May comes out of her bedroom and looms over the two of them. She says, "Hey, MJ, I'll drive you home."

"Cool," MJ says. "Cool." She gets up quickly and then turns back to kiss Peter goodbye. 

May looks at the two of them and says, "MJ, you know that you can always say no."

"Duh," MJ says. "But thank you. I do know. And Peter would always take that no with grace, so thank you again for raising a good kid."

May laughs. She says, "Okay, good. Let's go, MJ. Peter, stay here." 

He actually falls asleep watching the rest of Cars. It's no Toy Story or Wall-E. He wakes up at three a.m. when he gets a text from Tony. He also has a text he slept through from MJ. Tony sent a very weird meme he doesn't really get. MJ sent a completely different meme, this one makes sense to him, though. He only replies to MJ. 

She calls him at nine a.m. and says, "I forgot to tell you, do not tell Ned or Tony about anything we did last night."

"Got it," Peter says. "I'm still feeling real happy."

"Dork," MJ says.

5\. 

He's still grinning like an idiot when he gets to the compound. And when he's training. Cap is really set on learning team work so they're all being grouped together in twos and threes and even fours. Scarlet Witch is back from Wakanda. She seems really sad which is pretty understandable. They all break for lunch and Tony comes down from his lab. 

While Peter's eating his third BLT, Tony says, "Jeez, kid, how happy did your night make you? Do you need the safe sex lecture? You probably already know it."

Peter says, "No. no, I'm good, I'm just, you know, I'm good."

Everyone, even Wanda, is smiling a little smugly, like they all think he had make a baby sex. He would defend himself, but whatever, he's not going into the list of specific sexual acts he's done because it's nobody's business. Whatever, he thinks. 

"Wait, is this MJ?" Rhodey grins. "I like her."

Sam says, "Is she hot?"

Tony frowns, but he's clearly joking. He says, "No one at this table besides Peter is passing judgment on the attractiveness of a sixteen year old girl."

"She's really pretty," Peter says. "She's really brilliant and she's captain of our decathlon team."

"That's so sweet," Wanda says. It seems much less condescending when she says it versus everyone else at the tables.

Tony very clearly stops himself from laughing. Then he takes a deep breath and says, "So. Since we're all gathered together, Ross update time. Thanks to the many Wakandan outreach projects, and their increased political clout, Ross is seriously on the defensive. Add to that the massive unpopularity of picking on Captain America, we're looking good. Mostly good. Plus, finally, Ross has lost a ton of political support. I don't want to push too hard, I say looking at Peter, do not put on the suit just yet, but I think we're close. Like, in the next month, close."

"That's great, Tony," Cap says. 

It takes two weeks. There are a lot of machinations Peter has no knowledge of because he just doesn't want to, and he pointedly avoids talking to Tony about it. But Peter gets the text to come to the compound and be ready for a press conference. "Since you're already an Avenger, you can't say no and I won't be reproposing to Pepper" is the exact wording. 

It's a teacher workday so Peter is home and actually lying in bed with MJ when he gets it. They were just making out in the sense that they're having sex but not baby making sex. He feels like he's gotten much better at going down on MJ, and she agrees. He still really likes doing it, there's something so hot about the feel of her and how wet she gets. Now they are done and resting. 

They are definitely naked, though. 

"Back to being Spiderman," MJ says, sitting up. "You should definitely shower first."

"Yeah," Peter says. "Ugh."

"That's a considered emotional response, dork," MJ says. "How do you really feel?"

He runs his hand down her back, tapping lightly on her spine. He feels her shiver a little. "I want to, I'm happy to be Spiderman. It's important. I want to do it. Not doing it, that's, nope."

"Even more considered," MJ says. She gets up from the bed and starts putting on her clothes. She's somehow graceful when she does it. Then she sticks out her tongue. "Seriously, you know you don't have to do it."

"I think I'm only hesitating about it because I'm afraid. Not rational afraid but irrationally afraid. It's not a good fear," Peter says. 

"Not wanting to die in some kind of Stark kevlar suit is a good fear," MJ says. "Please don't tell me it's not kevlar, I don't need the exact composition."

"It's not, though," Peter says. He roots around in his blankets for his clothes. 

MJ pulls him up off the bed and says, "Shower. I will find you clean clothes. Even though you'll be wearing your not kevlar suit."

Peter doesn't actually say anything during the press conference. No one's that interested in him, thankfully. It's all about Cap and Tony and a little about Wanda. 

Then that night he actually goes out patrolling. He feels like his group training is really paying off, he defuses three muggings with half the effort it usually takes. Karen tells him so when he gets ready to head home. A few hours is enough. He has tons of homework and an actual girlfriend. 

"Don't slack," Ned says. They're studying in Ned's room. "You used to be Spidermaning all the time. Thwip thwip," he says, making his web slinging hand gesture. 

"I'm not slacking," Peter says. "Just getting back to the swing of things."

Thursday after school most of the decathlon team were in a coffee shop mostly hanging out. Peter loves that, he's really starting to revel in being an actual teenager. Tony says he's probably about to have a complete breakdown at any moment. "That's you," Peter says when Tony says that. 

He's holding MJ's hand on top of the table. Flash rolls his eyes at them. "Too much PDA," he says, loudly. "I can't take you two."

"We're adorable," MJ says. She kisses Peter's cheek very chastely. 

Peter grins and stops and his head starts to buzz. He says, "Everybody down!" He pulls MJ down and away from the window and grabs at Ned and Flash, too. 

There's a split second that stretches when he feels ridiculous but then comes the wave and the sound. Something explodes near enough to shatter the glass windows inward. Peter feels like he's been hit but he doesn't see any marks on anyone else. He jumps up and grabs his backpack from the floor. He says, "I gotta go."

Flash stands gingerly and says, "Dude, you're bleeding. Are you going to a doctor? We should call 911 for you."

"No, no, it's not serious," Peter says. "I just, I'll go home and May can take care of it. I gotta go home."

"You're in shock," Flash says. 

"I'll go with him," Ned says. "Good idea, Flash, we'll take care of him."

MJ mouths 'Don't die.' He smiles at her specifically as Ned pulls Peter out of the cafe. They end up in the back of the cafe by the dumpsters. It smells foul. 

Ned says, "Did you bring your suit? Do you need to change?"

"Oh, I got the good suit," Peter says, with a little smirk. He takes off his shoes and his jacket and sweater. Then he takes out a shiny little container that looks like a backup drive. 

Ned says, "Oh my god, that is so cool. That's your suit?"

Peter touches the corner of the box to the inside of his "watch." The nanites come out and cover his body. Peter says, "Thanks for covering for me! Take the backpack home okay?"

"Got it, Spiderman!" Ned even waves. 

Peter swings toward the explosion. It's two blocks away and he can see the concussive effects but no fire, no smell of gunpowder. Instead as he rounds the corner, he sees Dr. Strange and a huge purple demon thing. Like an actual demon, from a video game. It's insane. He sees Dr. Strange set up a portal and like an idiot, Peter shivers for no reason. He says, "Hey, Doc, how can I help?"

Dr. Strange shouts some directions and Peter follows them. He jumps through another damn portal and lands on the demon's head. He webs up the demon's weird claw hands and then brings his fists down on Evil Barney's head. The demon grunts and his head is, like, squishy and tough. Not traditional bone and skin. Dr. Strange shouts again and Peter jumps up into the portal, lands behind Dr. Strange, clinging to the remaining bricks of a building, two stories up. 

Dr. Strange says some weird magic shit and the demon implodes into itself. It's another foul smell and even worse than the dumpster. He says, "Yuck."

"Eloquent as ever, Spiderman," Dr. Strange says. "Thanks for your help."

"What was that thing?"

"I'll stop by Stark's mansion and brief him," Dr. Strange says.

"Got it," Peter says, rolling his eyes. He thinks he might be shaking so he jumps up over the building, and starts swinging. He doesn't really have a destination in mind, he's trying to focus on his irritation with Dr. Strange. It's not working in any way at all. He stops on top of a building and crouches down. Then he's actually shaking and he can't breathe and he just concentrates on nothing. Nothing. 

He's not sure how long it lasts, but then he hears the familiar sound of Iron Man. He plans to get up and get ready to get back to patrolling. He stays squatting because it's easier. Tony squats down next to him. "Hey. Pete," Tony says. 

"Did one of your, your monitors go off?"

"Nailed it," Tony says. "Dr. Strangely irritating said you were helpful, so good work there. He says that thing wasn't a demon but in fact was a conjured alien. An alien that was brought here by some weird summoning ritual. Scary shit, frankly."

"Wasn't scared by the alien," Peter says. 

"I know," Tony says. "I'll take you home now. To my home."

"No, I'm good," Peter says.

"No, you're not," Tony says. "Which is totally fine. Put on your face, kid, we're off to my outrageously tasteful mansion."

Peter does as he's told, and swings after Tony without really thinking about it. He doesn't feel freaked out anymore, but he feels like there's a hangover from it coating his muscles and weighing him down. He's definitely shaky. It sucks ass. 

He follows Tony into the mansion and sheds the nanites to their container. Then he plops down on the carpet. Tony looms over him and says, "I'm a rich man, I can afford sofas. Enjoy the cushions and being elevated off the ground."

Peter scrambles up and sits on the couch behind him. The cushions are nice. Tony sits next to him and says, "Brains are super fucked. That's the official scientific term. I've worked with some actual MD doctors, they agree with me."

Peter laughs, weakly. "That sounds scientific."

"I'm just saying, you had a moment, it's completely understandable. You shouldn't feel weak or like you shouldn't be affected," Tony says. He pats Peter's arm and then stands up. "Wait here and think about my wise words."

Peter gets his phone from his front pocket. He has a few texts. He actually answers the one from Flash, 'I'm all good now thx.' Then he tells Ned about the conjured demon alien. He tells MJ, too. He texts MJ that he had a complete freak out. He's not interested in examining why he tells MJ and not Ned but he files it away. 

MJ texts back 'you mean panic attack y/n'

He hits the y and then Tony's back in the room. He hands Peter a plastic container and a spoon. "Soup," Tony says. 

Peter slurps a little. "From Theodore? Yes, clearly. Jeez, you gotta let me meet this guy."

Tony says, "No, Theodore likes to do his work without people. He's an absolute weirdo. Keep eating. Warm soup for the soul. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Peter shakes his head while he has more soup. It's some kind of chicken broth and a little twist of heat, like not jalapeno but not not jalapeno. There's chunks of something like cauliflower. It's completely delicious, totally filling and he wants five more bowls of it. 

When he finishes, Tony says, "So we can not talk about it, but I'm actually going to insist that you promise me you will talk to someone or I will have someone for you to talk to. Which I have already. We got a guy. An Avengers slash Stark Industries guy. Actually a woman, she's signed more NDAs than Bruce has PhDs. She won't tell anyone anything and I can promise you that because I've told her some stuff that would make her millions. Not that I don't pay her a lot. Point is, it's a good thing. You have tons to talk about. Whatever freaked you out back there, all this news about your birth parents, just generally being sixteen. Maybe it was just me who found that traumatic with my poor little rich boy childhood but yours could be difficult, too."

Peter says, "Do I really have to?"

"I have asked that question a lot, too," Tony says. "I whined a lot more. But let me tell you from the other side of having to talk to someone, it's so much better. It's pretty rough sailing at first, like everything gets all churned up and you're pretty miserable but eventually, things get better. Which is not something that happens when you just say, fuck it, I'm only going to subject my girlfriend or my best friend or my poor Aunt to hearing this stuff."

"You have a poor Aunt?" Peter smiles. 

"Ha ha," Tony says. "I do actually, I had three aunts, they're all dead. Mom and Dad, they were pretty hardy, the rest of the family not so much. One of my aunts died of cirrhosis of the liver, you know how you get that?"

"Drink too much?" Peter knows that answer. 

Tony says, "Got it in one. That's written in your code, too."

"Does addiction really have a genetic component?" Peter wonders about this all the time. He literally does wonder about, it was a science project some senior did that Peter saw last year. It was persuasive, actually, but even with the human genome sequencing, can anything be definitive?

"It's a something," Tony says, shrugging. "I don't know. But it's sign to you."

"I don't like this discussion," Peter says.

"Same here," Tony says. "This is why you should have it with my woman. She's so much better at it."

"I just want to sleep," Peter says, slouching down in the couch. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yup," Tony says. "As long as you check with May, you can stay here whenever you want." 

6.

Peter hears May downstairs and says, "May's coming, you should put some clothes on, MJ."

They're both dressed and sitting on top of the covers on his bed when May opens the door as she's knocking. "Hey, you two, I know you're not doing anything that requires me to wait to open the door."

"No, we're not," MJ says. "Is it really so bad if Peter and I are making out or something? We're pretty responsible teenagers."

"Responsible teenagers is an oxymoron, mostly," May says. "I just want to make sure you two are taking the time to be kids."

"Okay, thanks," Peter says as he almost closes the door. 

MJ says, quietly, "Do you think we're moving too fast? I mean, you're allowed to think we're moving too fast."

"I don't, I feel like we're moving at the exact right speed," Peter says. He keeps browsing Hulu. "What do you think of Golden Girls?"

"Are you sure? About the sex part?" MJ is barely even whispering but after all, Peter can hear her and she knows it. 

"Totally sure," he says. He is. "We've known each other forever and I totally trust you. And you're super hot. Honestly, I would definitely say something. Like I have said the things I don't want to do."

"I appreciate you saying that. And I also appreciate that you've set your limits which I respect. No penis in vagina at this present moment," MJ says. "Golden Girls, please."

After a few episodes, MJ facetimes Ned. "Let's make Peter tell us about invading aliens."

Peter says, "Nope."

Ned says, "It's too scary, right? You don't want to dwell."

"It's not, okay, it is a little," Peter says. "But all those aliens are dead. Super dead. The ones from Thanos."

"But you met other aliens who are still alive," Ned says. "Can we hear about those?"

"I met a talking raccoon," Peter says. "Can we move on?"

MJ nudges Peter's shoulder. "Or you can talk about the things that bother you, dumbass," MJ says. "You can tell us because we care about you and don't judge you."

"I don't think people are judging me, other people aren't judging me," Peter says.

"Some of them are. Lots of people are assholes. Judgey assholes," Ned says. 

"Ease into it," MJ says. "What was space like? How did you get into space?"

"Oh," Peter says. "Um, after that spaceship appeared, the donut one, I went to help Tony, and he said save the wizard. I saw the wizard go by so I swung after him and then when Dr. Strange got sucked up to the spaceship, I was pulled along. So I was outside the ship and we were totally leaving the atmosphere, then Tony showed up and sent me the new nanite suit. Which somehow let me breathe. But then Tony was like, send him home and the suit started sending me back. But I just thought about staying with the ship, and the suit stuck to the outside. It's very intuitive."

"You were on a spaceship," Ned says. "Did you figure out how it worked?"

"No, not at all. We could barely steer it. It was for one big alien asshole, when Tony and I each took an arm we barely could steer it," Peter says. "And then we were on that planet. Titan, I think? And I met Mantis and Drax, both of whom are clearly aliens. Mantis had, like, actual antenna," Peter says. This part is easy to tell. He should have told them sooner. 

"But then it was bad," MJ says.

"Basically," Peter says. "Is that enough talking?"

"Enough for now," MJ says.

"I agree," Ned says. "Just wanted to get in my vote. Because I'm your best friend."

"I'm not replacing you, Ned. I just make him go down on me," MJ says, with a smirk. 

"You don't make me do anything," Peter says. "And you go down on me, too."

"I'm really glad for you two and your consensual sex stuff, but I don't need anything more explicit, like that was too much."

"And you're not being replaced," Peter says. "You're important to me."

After MJ leaves, Peter is making his midnight snack. To eat at ten o'clock. He sees May watching TV. She says, "Tony said you had a little freakout. Also, you and MJ do not talk as quietly as you think. So that's some stuff to talk about."

Peter nods. "Or not talk about. We don't have to."

May looks at him like he's stupid which Peter definitely feels like he is. Peter says, "Or. Do you just want to talk about the sex part?"

May shakes her head. "I don't want to talk about the sex part. I can't make you stop and I don't really want to. Sex isn't bad or evil. And it's MJ, if you're going to be doing this, I like that it's with someone like her who stands up for herself. But --"

"But?" Peter is bracing himself.

"But, you know who's great to talk about sex? Probably that psychiatrist Tony suggested. Even better for little freak outs." May smiles. She hugs him and then steps back. "I mean it."

"I don't want to," Peter says. He starts on his snack. Apple wedges covered in peanut butter. MJ jokingly said she was going to make him peanuts covered in applebutter. Somehow that still makes Peter laugh. "I don't want to, it's not important."

"Why don't you want to?"

Sometimes he hates having a good relationship with May. "I just, I've seen counselors before. A bunch of times. You know that. It doesn't make a difference. And I don't want to talk about it."

"That sounds real mature," May says. "Come up with a better reason or I'll make you go."

"How will you make me?"

"I will make you by being your parent," May says. She's frowning a little. 

"I know," Peter says. "Right. Fine, I'll call Tony and we'll do it this week. Okay?"

May says, "You don't want to take the month?" She rubs his arm. 

"I don't want to take the month, I won't think of a reason everyone thinks is a good one. I probably don't have one," he says. 

May hugs him again. She doesn't say anything else and he's definitely not sniffling. 

The psychiatrist is an older woman, about May's age. She seems nice enough. He sits down and starts fidgeting. "Hi, I'm Peter."

She smiles and says, "Yes. Tell me something about yourself."

It's not nearly as bad as he thought. He mostly just talks about Ben which isn't something he realized he didn't talk about. He walks out sniffling but he's okay going back. 

Of course Tony is waiting outside in the waiting room. "Oh, are you next?"

"No," Tony says. "I'm here for you, Pete. It's the whole mentor deal, show up, be a part of things."

"Mentor deal?" Peter laughs. "If that's what you want to call it."

7\. 

MJ rubs her mouth as she reaches for another towelette. She's understandably not a huge fan of swallowing. She somehow makes it all look amazing. After all the clean up and getting dressed MJ gets back on the bed and kisses his cheek. She says, "Have you talked to your super shrink about your not wanting to have intercourse?"

He says, "Rude." Then he adds, "It's not a shrink issue. Do you think that's a shrink issue?"

She actually thinks about it. She says, "You're right. If it was me, no one would think something was wrong with me. It's a fucked up gender role I'm projecting on you."

He says, "It might be a shrink issue. Maybe. But you're also a very bad feminist. Not in the cool Roxane Gay way, either."

"That's a rough one, I'll take it," MJ says.

"Sex talk is done," Ned says as he walks in. "Fun talk is now. Or Spiderman talk is now. Whichever we decide on."

Peter sits up. He's a little bit exhausted from his entire life. "So I have an actual Avengers mission. Apparently there are tons of aliens on Earth, just hanging out. Some of them have been here for decades or hundreds of years. Asgardians, but Thor's on top of that one. Fury told us about some Skrulls, who are shapeshifters. He says most of the ones on Earth are okay. There's also Kree who either look human or have blue skin. And even more. I'm supposed to check some of them out."

"And then what?" MJ frowns. "Just because aliens are hanging out here doesn't make them dangerous or bad for, like, the country. Do they have camps for them?"

"I wouldn't do that," Peter says. "Captain America and Tony Stark wouldn't ask me to."

"You hope so," Ned says. 

"Poor little alien in exile, fleeing persecution, living a quiet life, then you come nosing around," Ned says. "And your dumb spidey sense goes off because their neighbor is planning a robbery. That's not good."

"It won't work like that," Peter says. "If I thought it would, I wouldn't tell anyone what I found."

"You better," Ned says. "Seriously, Peter."

"I got you guys," Peter says. 

He checks on three aliens, two of which live on Staten Island which is not that easy to swing to. He doesn't really love hiding out on the Ferry after he broke it, but it's not a traumatic event. He has his own shrink now, he has the capacity to define his traumas. 

All three aliens are just regular not people. They live at home, they don't make trouble, they don't seem to be communicating with anyone in the planets they ran away from. 

He decides he's totally ready to have intercourse although he's not going to keep thinking of it that way, even in his head. He sounds so clinical. "So I lied to May that I'm hanging out at Tony's Friday night and Tony will actually be in Chile with Pepper," he tells MJ. He thinks he knows why Tony and Pepper are taking a little vacation but he's going to wait for them to tell him before he mentions it to anyone. 

"We will go to my place at some point," MJ says. "I just don't want the first time we go to my place to be also another first time." He and MJ have been dating for months and friends for literal years before that, sort of, and he only found out three weeks ago her actual address. He's gathered and inferred already that she lives with her older brother, and one of her parents is dead. 

"The mansion's really nice," Peter says. 

MJ's already on birth control for the past few months but Peter bought condoms. He snuck them in but he's pretty sure FRIDAY snitched on him to Tony. 

MJ's lying back on the bed, her legs spread and smiling. He pushes three fingers inside her. She says, "This place is really nice."

"Yeah, sorry there's no food around," he says. 

Then MJ says, "Let's do it, okay." She's breathing heavily and her pulse is racing, she whines as he pulls out his fingers and she grunts as he pushes back in with his dick. 

"Wow," he says. It genuinely feels amazing, like wow, feels so good. "Good for you, right?"

"Yup, yup," she says. She shifts her hips and her legs tighten around him, she even moans. "Good, good," MJ says. 

He comes quickly, more than he likes but he really does just get that turned on and MJ is enjoying it which also turns him on. 

After, while MJ is in the bathroom, he changes the sheets. So the house staff is all going to know what they did but Peter suspects the staff might be a lot of robots. 

It's the first time he's ever really slept with someone, same bed. MJ has a headscarf she wears to sleep in, Peter's never seen it. She has a skincare regimen, which he also didn't know. She cleans her face and then there's toner and night cream. He puts on the fancy SI sweat pants Tony put in his drawers when he first set up a guest room for Peter.

After Peter tells FRIDAY to turn down the lights, MJ says, "I forgive you in advance for farting in your sleep."

"I don't, but thanks," he says. 

It's sort of awkward at first but then he falls asleep. He doesn't have a nightmare and he's fairly sure he doesn't fart. He wakes up slowly and it's nice. It's really nice, his forehead against her shoulder, his arm over her stomach. Lovely, he thinks. He runs to the bathroom and brushes his teeth and then gets back under the blankets. MJ says, "Be right back. Thank you for not farting."

"Never was gonna," he says. When she gets back, she takes off her headscarf and her t-shirt. She wraps her arms around his neck. He says, "Do it again?"

"Yup," she says. "Thanks for asking so romantically. I'm feeling the love."

He laughs before he's kissing her. This time she's on top of him, and it still feels fucking amazing, it's wonderful. It's fantastic, like how next level incredibly heart racing MJ is on his dick. He holds her hips just to hang on because he loves this and MJ. He can see and hear and smell where their bodies meet and MJ is definitely getting off from this which is actually what makes it perfect. 

He manages to last longer this time and then MJ kisses him and they are both touching her and he rubs her clit the way she likes until she comes, too. 

He changes the sheets again, FRIDAY is definitely going to snitch on him. He doesn't necessarily feel guilty, what's so wrong with having responsible, safe sex in a place he's always welcome? 

"I do feel a little guilty, but then I told Tony when he got back from Chile," he tells his shrink. "I told him that I lied to May to stay at the mansion. And he said 'With MJ, right?' so I was right, the robots did snitch."

"Was he upset?"

"Not really," Peter says. "I'm not gonna tell May but I won't do it again. I don't think that's pathological or anything."

"It's not," his shrink says. "It's pretty standard teenage stuff."

Tony's still waiting for him after every appointment. It's unbelievably sweet, like Peter doesn't even know what to say. Tony says, "Just to be clear, young one, I will be checking with May now each time you're at the mansion."

"I did it once," Peter says. "I won't do it again."

"No, you won't," Tony says. "Come walk with me, I'm giving you a ride to the compound. We have some extraterrestrial idiots we're being briefed by."

"Oh, Quill's in town?"

"Got it in one," Tony says. "And his raccoon friend, and Thor. And those other three." Once they're in the car, Tony says, "Really, next time have sex in your own bedroom or at MJ's."

Peter just tries to sink into the seat. 

Tony says, "I've already heard all about it, it's fun news. The briefing, not your sexcapades in the room I had prepared just for you. Turns out all these fun alien incursions are organized by one team. Including the Prince fan you bonked on the head, and those dicks in Cleveland, and the ones in Mali."

"I thought the ones in Mali were green with speckles," Peter says. 

"Yeah, it's not the same species but the same species is behind them all. Sadly, it's not the power hungry Thanos wannabes we're dealing with. No, these guys are oppressed and tossed around and just want to grab one or two Infinity stones and get themselves a place of their own. So they're feeling us up before they strike," Tony says. He's barely driving, the car is doing nearly everything on its own.

"Good plan," Peter says. "Can't we find them a place of their own?"

"We don't have space for them here," Tony says. "There aren't just planets hanging around, waiting to be settled. Planets that can support a form of life are inhabited by a form of life."

"I'm being a colonizer," Peter says.

"Yes, you are, I hope you feel very bad about that," Tony says. "Yeah, they're pretty determined, apparently, according to Thor, who is so much more lucid and coherent than Quill and his people, they're not in the mood to negotiate. Quill said they're total dicks, but I don't trust his judgment."

"He loves Footloose," Peter says. 

"Deranged," Tony says. "Did you see that text I sent about Falcon's wings? I did talk to Shuri -"

"You did, I saw!" Peter sits up and immediately offers his thoughts. Which carries the two of them all the way to the compound. 

He lowkey sneaks a picture of Drax, Mantis, Nebula, and Rocket sitting uncomfortably on a long couch in the compound so he can show Ned and MJ. 

8\. 

"Also this separate picture of Groot," Peter says, showing Ned and MJ. 

"Wow," Ned says. "That is amazing. That is, wow. Mind blowing."

MJ says, "Does Thor take a bad picture?"

"No, he doesn't," Peter says. "He's unbelievably attractive in person."

"We all agree," Ned says. "I haven't seen him in person, but I believe you."

The Guardians have all left, and basically everyone's on alert. Peter's supposed to go to training every weekend so the whole team is acting as one, a well oiled machine. He's part of a team. 

"Do you like your psychiatrist? You never liked that counselor at school they made you see when you were ten," Ned says. They have a bunch of things they're working on that afternoon: two class projects, one possible youtube video Ned wants to do refuting some dickhead's misogynist theories on Rey, and maybe beta testing this game a friend of Ned's made, one who lives in Manila. It's dedicated Peter and Ned time, which will still happen even if Ned gets a makeout friend. 

"I like her fine," Peter says. "She's much better than the guy the school made me see. Plus, I think she only has five or six patients, including me. So that helps her concentrate, unlike the school guy."

"And Tony Stark is there after every session? Wow," Ned says. "I don't think my dad would do that."

"Your dad would have work, Ned, that's not a fair comparison," Peter says. "I mean, yeah, he hasn't missed one. It's pretty great."

They finish their homework and all the class projects, study a little for decathlon, and then Peter is the camera man for Ned. Ned says, "You've got the more marketable face, though. I mean, you're very pretty."

"Yeah, but it's more your idea. Plus, I need to keep out of the public view. I think Tony would kill me if he found out I was all over youtube," Peter says. He's playing with the lighting a little. 

"We've got to keep it short," Ned says. "I think our sweet spot is around eight minutes." 

"Got it," Peter says. 

They actually film for an hour and Peter uses his souped up Starkphone so it's really good quality. Ned's a whiz at editing so Peter just sits back and watches. He makes some suggestions. "I think you have to take out some of those digs at Kyle Ron, man. I completely agree, but it distracts from the point."

Ned nods. The finished product is awesome. Ned says, "I don't know. Upload or don't upload? Sometimes the fun is all the fun. The journey, not the inevitable critique of the creation."

"I think it's helpful when there's guys saying this stuff alongside not guys," Peter says. "Send it to MJ, she'll know best."

"True," Ned says. "Very true."

Peter walks home even though it's midnight. It's not that unsafe in Queens. No one even talks to him. 

It's Thursday when Peter's patrolling and he gets a sense of overall bad buzz. He looks all around and finally up, because aliens. Above him there is a literal eye, a huge eye with an iris and eyelashes. He almost drops out of the sky but instead he clings to a very unstable fire escape. The building's been condemned so he vaults to another building that's more stable. He says, "Karen, can you scan that? And send it to Tony?"

"I don't see anything to scan," Karen says kindly. 

"Okay, then scan me and still notify Tony," Peter says. "I'm supposed to, it's a good thing to ask for help. I don't have to do it alone." He feels like he's two seconds away from babbling which is another sign. A definite sign he's not well. He's a babbler, sure, but this is, something's weird. 

Then the buzz shifts and it's concrete. He closes his eyes and dodges left. He's just following the spidey sense, like he's been trained to do. By Vision, he thinks. He's going left, right and up and he feels something white hot go past him a bunch of times. He's starting to get anxious because he can't trust his senses except the one. He tries to imagine even tempered Vision calming him down but it is not working. 

"Pete, Pete," he hears. It's Tony. 

"Mr. Stark? Tony?" 

"Got your distress signal," he hears Tony say. "You're surrounded by something, my sensors aren't -- Peter, stop flapping and running, I got you."

Vision wouldn't approve. He used to flawlessly imitate voices to confuse Peter. This could be like that. He's exhausted, too, and nothing is working except his spidey sense and he just wants to stop, he's not even sure where he is. Spidey sense tells him to go up and Tony is in his ear saying go left. He just stops and opens his eyes. There's a really disturbing alien right in front of him with seventeen eyes or things that sort of look like eyes and claws that are super sharp. 

Super sharp right into his chest and arms and leg. It's so fucking painful like that time his leg got chopped except for in both arms and his lung and he would really like this to not be real. He feels the ground beneath him, asphalt hard and the strong smell of oil, gas, cars and overwhelming sound. 

He opens his eyes and looks down, he is probably definitely bleeding and also there's a very large SUV coming straight at him probably and he can't move. The pain spikes even further and he can't move. He closes his eyes again. 

He wakes up still in pain. He's in the medbay in the compound, at least he thinks he is. But if he closes his eyes and concentrates really hard, there isn't a single buzz of danger. So almost definitely the compound. Then he sees Sam and he's pretty sure there's no type of hallucination that would be Sam Wilson. Peter says, "Hey, was that the aliens?"

His voice sounds fucking awful. 

Sam says, "Nope, not the aliens we're all on the lookout for. Regular supervilliain guy. Some shithead who hates Tony. It's actually all dealt with now."

"For real?"

"Yes, for real. Why would your mind create me, right?"

"That's what I thought," Peter says. He nearly smiles. He looks at himself and he is in a bunch of bandages and braces. "How did I really get hurt?"

"You for real got run over, and for real got stabbed by lasers. Which sounds ridiculous, but is actually true," Sam says. "It was a lot, even for you. That was last night, you'll be here another two days."

"But they caught him?"

"Yes," Sam says, sounding tired. "Iron Man and Cap and Wanda flew out when they got your distress signal. The asshole wasn't expecting them, he lost. Wanda showed him some really screwed up hallucinations."

"Did I hallucinate?"

"Part neurotoxin, part guided hallucination, yes," Sam says. He's being pretty tolerant of Peter. Sam says, "Yes, we called your aunt. Your aunt called your bestie and your girlfriend. I know she's sixteen so I could get in trouble for this, but she's completely out of your league."

"I know," Peter says. "I don't think you can get in trouble just for saying MJ's hotter and cooler than me."

"Okay," Sam says. "I'll call your friends and family in. I can stay, hanging around, in case you have any doubts about reality. As we've discussed, you would never hallucinate that."

"But if I did, you would definitely think MJ's out of my league," Peter says. 

"But not the part where I'm being this nice to you," Sam says.

"Yeah, good point," Peter says. "I guess you or the Winter Soldier. I've probably got enough ingrained sexism to hallucinate Black Widow suddenly feeling maternal about me."

"That's not necessarily ingrained sexism," Sam says, sounding really bored. "People like you. You're young, you're nice, it's not about gender roles, I guess. Or whatever you're thinking. Did you really just wake up from surgery and say ingrained and sexism like it's nothing?"

"Yes, I did and you're right," Peter says. 

He actually passes out before anyone he wants to see comes in. He wakes up still in pain but more sure of his reality. There's no one in his room, which sucks. He finds his phone on the sidetable of the bed he can reach with the less fucked up arm. MJ and Ned texted him and they came by last night but they have school and they'll see him when he's home recuperating. Aunt May is working so she can take some days off when Peter's home recuperating. So he apparently has lots of plans for when he's laid out on the couch. 

One of the doctors come in and brief him about his condition. It is not good. It was even worse when Tony and the others came for him but he's recovering now. He kinda wishes he was in Wakanda where he could recover from all this overnight. 

Tony comes to see him on his last day. "Do you want the whole debrief?"

"Sure," Peter says. It's kinda long and rapidly gets boring. 

"You're struggling to stay awake," Tony says. 

"Struggs to func," Peter says. 

"Why do you hate saying full words? Would it actually kill you to say 'les' and 'tion'?" Tony pats Peter's head lightly. "Seriously, though, you did good. Good asking for help. They were genuinely expecting to take you out much sooner."

Peter nods. "I was preparing for technologically advanced aliens."

"And it turned out it wasn't. Again, good work asking for help."

"My shrink and I have been working on that. You know, realizing that I'm not on my own, that maybe asking for help was a bad idea in the past but it isn't now," Peter says. He can barely keep his eyes open. 

"Yeah," Tony says. He's rubbing Peter's shoulder, it's very comforting. "You're not that kid lost in the system. Ben and May would always help you, right?"

"Sure, but it was years, even after they adopted me, before I thought maybe they wouldn't give me back," Peter says. "That was a breakthrough, it took me weeks to admit that." 

"You're only half awake right now, but I'll repeat this if you need it: I will always take you in. May, too, but you probably got that one in your head already. So, me, Tony Stark, I will always take care of you. As long as I'm alive, and frankly, I have some idea about what's in my will, after I'm dead, too." Tony says. "There's this really great Aaron Sorkin line I copied down but now I don't think it applies. But just in case: The only thing you have to do to make me happy is to come home at the end of the day.' That's a good one. Imagine me with some kind of Martin Sheen gravitas saying that."

"That's so nice," Peter says. 

"Good, good," Tony says. "Also, Wilson told Black Widow you said something about her and your super sexism, so be ready for that."

"It wasn't bad or anything, come on," Peter says.

"Pretty sure she knows that, kid," Tony says.


End file.
